Stare into the abyss long enough...

I hate my DS. I love my PSP. How, or indeed why things are this way, I do not know. I really should like my DS. It has awesome games and many more than my PSP and yet, I find myself overcome with hate when I stare at it's bulky grey visage. Yes, I have one of the original DS consoles, the type which looks like some children's toy

"The Fellbeast" in all it's grey fugly glory.

Hideous, isn't it? Not a day goes by when I don't think about how stupid it looks. And on top of that, the hinges are near-broken, the screen is dim, the touch screen is off center and I can't seem to name more than a handful of games for the system that I genuinely enjoy. While this is not enough for me to hate the system, I still do.

The there's my PSP. And my PSP. And my PSP. Oh, and my dismantled PSP. But today, I'm just going to talk about my PSP. Though, thanks in no small part to a Frankenstein's monster of a case conversion on my part, it isn't ecactly the prettiest PSP in the world, it is most certainly one of a kind, as these pictured demonstrate...

"Dood! A Prinny PSP Case!"

Is that a blue PSP-1003? Wait, why is the square button...

...OMG, LIEK, WTH IS TAHT?

I should point out right now that the reason it has a blue battery cover is because the white one broke. Mainly from me dropping my PSP constantly. Considering the punishment it's had, it's one hell of a tough machine. It has to be though, as it serves as my mp3 player, movie theatre and primary games console all rolled into one. And when I say primary games console, I mean it's more than just a Playstation Portable, as it houses not only PSP and PS1 games of mine, but also pretty much every major Nintendo and Sega console from the 16 bit era and before, as well as functioning as a perfect GBA to boot. As for PSP games, there are a lot of good ones. You just need to dig a little.

I dunno. I probably need my head checking, but for me, my PSP is by far the better of the two.

Additional Offenders in this post: My Logitech G11 Keyboard, a copy of Nero 7 Essentials (Hiss...), a Maped Softy Eraser, a Staedtler Noris(!) HB pencil, a 0.2 drawing pen and a copy of Bioshock for the PC, which I haven't played yet.

Sir Not Appearing in This Post: My original GBA, which I prefer infinitely to my DS. It is a limited edition silver one though and despite a few scratches, I think it looks amazing. Retconned from my post idea due to the camera running out of battery power again... My fault for buying terribad rechargeables.

Another post so soon? How disorganised is this guy!?

I feel that while I am in an inherently silly mood, I should also point out something else I find funny. Yes, I'm talking about he who must not be named. And not the Harry Potter one, either. He doesn't kidnap you mid sentence if you mention his name. Voldemort. There, I said it and I'm still here, which proves my point. No I am of course talking about the one from Freakazoid, who I will not be stupid enough to openly mention, since I quite enjoy my freedom, thank you very much.

Though he only appeared in 2 episodes of the show, his appearances have garnered him somewhat of a cult following, owing much to his being a great example of Nightmare Fuel, not to mention the amusing effect of mentioning his name in written speech and then being cut off mid sentence, as he kidnaps you before you can finish, but has the decency to hit submit for your post. Obviously, this is a case of "Just As Planned~~~" on his part, though he never has been heard to utter such a line, unlike certain people this blogger could mention, who include, but are not limited to a sadist and a certain king of a certain country.

So in conclusion, I shall offer the following piece of indispensable advice for those who are not already in the know;

Never, EVER, under any circumstances, say the name Candle Jack, as doing so will get you kidnapped pretty much immediately, without any time to explain wh

On the ancient and venerable art of Bone Crunching.

Well now, what's this? A whole week without a post from me? Okay then, this should fix that. Anyway, today, I would like to talk about bone-crushing headlocks, which are in this blogger's view a very good thing, though certainly less so for the unfortunate recipient as demonstrated in figure A:

This image amuses me no end. Here, we see the "Bone Cruncher" at it's finest, as the Bone Cruncher, one Nanaly Fletch, of Tales of Destiny 2, inflicts a devastating headlock upon Loni Dunamis, her erstwhile co star and frequent recipient of Bone Crunchings.

Now you may be asking why the hell I've bothered to post something like this. Well the truth is, that if this post has any point at all it is that I like my games with a slightly twisted sense of humour. You don't find this in games like Final Fantasy any more, with most all of their soul being lost in the transition to HD. That's one reason among many I won't be buying Final Fantasy 13, at least not new.

The Only TV I'll Watch (tm)

Tonight, we make some random observations about television! The latest offering from something goes up against something else! And I get blown up. Again!

Such is the favoured introduction for a little known TV show called Top Gear, the subject of my really quite specific entry title for today. To sum Top Gear up is difficult in that yes, it is a car show, but at the same time, it is also something far greater, far more significant. The basic premise of the show is three men presenting a show about cars. Boring? If it were anything else, then yes, but Top Gear uses this premise as an excuse for doing some very, very silly things. For example, the first American roadtrip, several years ago now, where they painted slogans on each others cars while driving through the deep south. These slogans included such gems as "Nascar Sucks," "Gay Pride," and "Hillary for President." Naturally, these didn't go down so well with the locals, but given that the trio were trying to see who would get shot first, that was kind of the point.

Vidja Games

So. I like role playing games. Anyone who knows me will attest to this, with my obsession being so great, that I even listen to the music from them regularly. Right now, it's the SSH mix of Final Fantasy VI's boss battle, for those that care. Anyway, some of my favourite games from the genre are Suikoden V, Wild ARMs 3 and most of the "Tales of" series. The reason? Charectorisation, primarily. The reason I prefer these games to their Western rivals, such as Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Knights amd The Elder Scrolls, is simply because they tell their stories better and their characters are often less two dimensional. W-RPGs claim to be better because they give the player the freedom to choose their path. In reality, that is a poor excuse for shoddy narrative and in most cases, a mere illusion. For example, all the freedom to explore in Oblivion can never mask the fact that the actual story itself was short and incredibly clichéd. Not to mention the dialogue. Oh god, the dialogue, how did they think using 4 voice actors for a hundred people would ever be immersive? Bottom line though: It's just a "chosen one" story like 99% of all role playing games, regardless of origin.

The BBC

So, the BBC has revealed the total amount it pays to it's stars. That is, it paid out £229 million for the year up to March '09. Now, this may seem like a hell of a lot, but one must not forget that the BBC has employment contracts with over 300,000 people. If all these people were in full time employment with the BBC, the average pay would be less that £750 a year.

Of course, politicians are like to ignore this fact, because the BBC refuses to reveal individual pay levels in order to give it's performers some measure of privacy. That, in my opinion, is fair enough, as the BBC provides an indispensable service to the country and indeed, around the world. Individual earnings being published would just lead to a push by the government to censure the BBC for overpaying it's stars. In my opinion, that could be considered an attack on free speech.

Of course, this is all thanks to our politicians being forced to reveal their expenses. Okay, we pay for both our politicians and the BBC in the UK, but the crucial difference is that the BBC is not morally bankrupt. Our leadership would sell us all out for a couple of quid and a bag of crisps if it thought it could get away with it. Oh wait, they already did. A shame then that the only way to fix this is to vote Liberal Democrat, since they don't have a hope in hell of winning against Labour and the Tories.

Burn The Witch!

So, here it is, the long awaited blog by yet another total unknown. I'm Evil Sapphie, pleased to meet ya. In this blog, I shall be discussing some of the most pressing issues of our time. Is the United Kingdom turning into a Communist state? Are our moral standards lower than ever? What should I have for dinner? And of course, why are W-RPGs all so bad?